Marriage stats in the United States aren’t very good. At least 50% of first time marriages fail, over 60% of second marriages don’t make it, and even around 25% of Christian marriages fail according to some studies. While there are many reasons a marriage may fail, one important one is in how a man views his wife.
If you are a married man reading or listening to this, what comes to mind when you think of your wife? Do you see her as the mother and caretaker of your children? The one who keeps the house and everything in it running smoothly? A second income? A sexual object? Someone who took the place of your mother? Let me tell you, guys; the way you view your wife has a big impact on the health of your relationship and marriage. Let’s look at two negative ways a man may view his wife and one positive one and the impact all three may have on the marriage.
First, a man may view his wife as an anchor. By anchor, I mean that he views her as someone who is holding him back, dragging him down, keeping him from fulfilling dreams, accomplishing goals, or having fun. An anchor point keeps whatever is tied off to it from moving. If a man views his wife as working against him, the marriage cannot flourish. This negative perspective may be solved by some much-needed communication. It’s possible that the wife is reluctant to support her husband’s goals because she doesn’t understand what they are or may not feel she is a part of them. Taking time to discuss these with her may ease her concern and even gain her support. It may also help the husband realize that his dreams are not good for the family or possibly just not right for that specific time.
A second way a man may view his wife is as someone or something to be consumed. When you sit down to eat a well-prepared dinner, your mouth begins to salivate, anticipating the delicious food you are about to enjoy. Your exclusive desire is to consume the meal and satisfy your craving. After that, maybe a nap. If we see our wife as something to be consumed, we’re setting our marriage up for failure. If you believe she should be at your beckoned call every time you want sex, that’s the wrong way of thinking. Do you think her day should be filled with cooking, cleaning, and caring for the kids all by herself? Wrong again. Do you expect her to always look like she’s ready for a photoshoot? Again, no. Not fair. Sex is good. Helping take care of the home is good. Looking attractive is good. However, a man’s wife is not there for his consumption – sexual, comfort, or visual . Our marriage should be a safe place where she can be herself, have time to relax, and be able to “let her hair down” after a long day.
The third way a man can (and should) view his wife is as a partner. When he views her this way the two previous views fade. As they do life together: establishing goals, handling household chores, raising kids, and meeting one another’s needs all happen within the partnership. He includes her in his life and is active within hers. His goals includes her and the family. His physical needs allow for her current mood and energy level. He includes himself in the household duties. He approaches the marriage with a servant mindset, doing what he can do to make his wife’s life better, easier, and more comfortable. He wants to see her accomplish her goals as much as he wants to succeed in his. Even better, he’ll work with her to align their goals to make sure they’re moving the same direction.
A partner-mindset in marriage can set your relationship up to be a huge success rather than an incredible failure. It will also show your children what a healthy marriage looks like, providing them with a stable, loving environment and an example to look to in their own future relationships. So guys, if your marriage isn’t where you’d like it to be, take a look at how you view your wife and see if adjusting that view can be a start toward a fresh partnership mentality and a healthy, strong marriage.
CHALLENGE
Consider how you view your wife. Does your view create conflict or strain in the marriage? What do you need to adjust to shift to a partnership view?
SCRIPTURES
EQUIPPING MEN TO LIVE INTENTIONAL LIVES 