Let’s talk about another phrase that can leave a child hurting when left unsaid. Like hearing “I love you”, “I’m proud of you” is a simple, three-word sentence that can have a powerful effect on the life of a child. The positive results of sharing these words are proven so what makes it difficult for some dads to affirm their child in this way?
There are some who believe telling children that we are proud of them is a mistake, thinking the phrase inflects a sense of superiority over the child. The parent holds power over the child and grants the child favor when it is earned. Similarly, some dislike the term because it directs praise toward an accomplishment, not the child. For example, telling young Johnny, “You did a great job on that test. I’m so proud of you!”, may make Johnny feel that he has to succeed to earn approval.
While it is true we shouldn’t associate our approval with something our children accomplish, I enjoy telling our children how proud I am of them. However, I make a point to say that I’m proud of them because they are my children, not because of anything they’ve done. They do not earn my approval, they inherently have it because of who they are. Just like all people have intrinsic value because we are created in God’s image, not because we’ve done something to earn it.
Some men have trouble with this phrase because they haven’t heard it themselves. It’s a shared theme with the “I love you” discussion we had in yesterday’s devotion. Other men are so wrapped up in life that it doesn’t cross their mind. Work and other distractions keep them so focused on other things that the idea of being proud of their kids doesn’t register. In some cases, they may be very proud of them but they are too busy to consider letting them know. Unsaid by dad equals unknown by children.
Unfortunately, there are dads who believe pride is earned. If their child hasn’t done something to impress them lately – or has never done anything impressive, for that matter – they see no reason to be proud of them. When a child believes that he or she must earn a parent’s pride or love for them, it can do much harm, creating a perpetual drive to impress, looking for ways to make dad and others proud. This mindset will doubtless wear them out emotionally, mentally, and even physically.
Because pride is referred to negatively in the Bible, it is important to mention that the type of pride we are referring to is not the same as that shared in Proverbs 16:18 where it states that “pride comes before a fall”. The pride we have for our children is similar to the love we have for them. We view them in high regard. We see them as a blessing, as fruit in our life. This type of pride brings life and encouragement, not destruction.
By telling our children that we are proud of them, we give them a boost of encouragement in a time when they may be doubting who they are or questioning their worth. Speak these words often over your child. Let your son or daughter know you are proud to be their dad, plain and simple, through thick and thin. You may never know the difference those three simple words make in their life that day.
CHALLENGE:
Has it been a while since your kids have heard how proud you are of them? Have they ever heard it? Choose to start being intentional with this phrase today!
Bible Verses
1 Thessalonians 2:11–12
Matthew 7:9–11
Proverbs 23:24
EQUIPPING MEN TO LIVE INTENTIONAL LIVES 